Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
