So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
