Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
