i would punch a child for taco bell
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
