I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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