I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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