His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
