just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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