new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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