I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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