woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
