god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
