My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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