I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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