When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
