I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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