Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
