what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
