I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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