is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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