Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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