Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
