Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
