My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
