just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
