I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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