a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
