Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
