i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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