Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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