I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
