He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
