i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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