Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
