It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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