**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
