my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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