Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
