My Higher Power is John Stamos
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
