He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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