It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
