I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
