he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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