Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
