yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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