i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sarcasm needs its own font
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
