To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
