I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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