I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
