Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
