So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
