saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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