are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
