I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
