enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
