I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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